I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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