Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize