I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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