I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize