sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I love you.
Bad choice
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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