If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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