I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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