my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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