clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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