I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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