i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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