i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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