for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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