I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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