I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize