I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize