so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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