i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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