My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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