Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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