I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize