I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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