I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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