my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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