he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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