He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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