Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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