I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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