yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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