I wish my penis had an off switch
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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