he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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