just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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