Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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