I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize