is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize