This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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