I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize