Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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