I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
honey bunches of taint.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize