Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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