How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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