hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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