Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize