I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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