break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Panties = found
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