I got chris browned last night
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize