I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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