I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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