what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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