I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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